


Sorry I don’t want your touch (but I do)

by Swanq0106



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Age Play Little Emma Swan, Age Regression, Caregiving, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Little Space, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifiers, Past Rape/Non-con, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 00:06:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30013044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swanq0106/pseuds/Swanq0106
Summary: Emma begins therapy. To Archie’s kind advice, Emma also begins opening herself back up. Regina though, wants to help further more than just listening. She wants to care for the savior.In both women’s POV, but mostly in Emma’s as of right now.*please read tags before reading* (Will change as the story develops)
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first little/caregiver story and I cannot begin to explain how terrified I am. I’m not in the community, but I’ve read enough to understand basic knowledge to these type of relationships. If you see any errors in my writing regarding this relationship please don’t hesitate to let me know so I can learn and understand better. 
> 
> I will also like to mention that this is a non-sexual age play. Age regression is a better term to this fanfic. Regina and Emma’s discovery to age regression will be in the next chapter so don’t click off yet! My schedule is very messy so I will update when I can :)
> 
> Major trigger warning of neglect, abuse/sexual abuse

Mommy? Mom? Mother? I can’t quite find a name, you must address me as ‘Ms’ or ‘Mr’ my foster parents said. I just wanted a mommy. And a daddy. But no. I was cursed to a land where adults are paid to take in a broken kid. Many different broken kids in one place sometimes. I remember being placed in my first temporary home. She was so gentle, as she washed my blonde hair. He was caring, as he pointed to the ducks passing us at the many park trips we took together. Then something changed. I was told I was leaving. Not coming back. I cried and screamed, kicked my way back into ‘mommy’s’ arms. But I learned that mommy didn’t want me. She was never my mommy. I never felt the safeness as I did with them ever again. Named ‘difficult’ from a young age after that. I was difficult because I wanted to eat but ‘Ms’ refused? Or was I labeled difficult when I didn’t allow ‘mr’ to stick his dirty fingers inside me? I never knew home and sometimes I wonder if I ever will. ‘Groups home for the troubled’ was what I saw. My social worker turning and looking at me as she knew what laid upon me. Her eyes glossy, while telling me that here was where I was to stay for awhile. “You can’t keep doing this, I want you to be safe” the woman told me before she grabbed my bag and led me to the sad gloomy house. I wonder if that was true. That she wanted me to be safe. I was raped the second night I was there. My bloody panties wasn’t enough to convince ‘Ms’ that he hurt me. He was a few years older than me, early teens maybe. Boys will be boys yes? Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, was all I heard from my social worker. Apology’s are useless. She didn’t keep me safe. I should’ve known better. Although I was just eight. 

-

Archie began writing on his note pad, analyzing what he just read. Emma there, feeling raw and exposed. She’d never spoken or written of her own horror stories of the foster system. But she wanted to get better. More minutes passed by before Archie finally spoke. “You have a way with words Emma, this will help with your treatment further more” he smiled. Emma nodded, acknowledging his words but choosing to remain silent.

Archie went on, picking pieces of her writing and asking questions. “And how did you deal with that? At that age” he asked. Emma was stunned for a moment. She’s never ‘dealed’ with anything. Keep pushing was what Emma was taught. That’s what the kids told her. Archie explained that “if you truly want to heal, you need to start facing the challenges you are facing. It’s already great that you’re putting cracks in the walls you have surrounded yourself with Emma,” she grimaced as she felt that maybe she didn’t want to break down her walls. 

The sadness and loneliness was so comforting now.

“I feel safe there” Emma said. Archie looked at her with a slight puzzled frown. Noticing the confusion in her words, she said, “my walls I mean, I feel safe there. I think it’s gonna be a problem”. Archie fixed his glasses and wrote once more on his note pad. Bouncing her leg slightly now as she felt that  she was the problem. This whole thing, Emma was the problem. Archie was quick to reassure her though. Letting a breath out she wasn’t aware that she was holding. No Emma was not the problem. 

It could be a possibility still.  She kept that thought in though.

The rest of the session was less tense than the beginning. He continued to say that “you might feel that you aren’t ready yet, that change is scary and your current state is much more comforting”. He was right, Emma avoided change like it was the plague. She felt a slight relief that this was normal, that she wasn’t maybe faking all of this. Then it was time to go, before leaving Archie let her know that to start the healing process, she needed to face the one that Emma felt was the most responsible for these feelings. Forgiveness wasn’t needed he said  but if you wanted you could. 

Mary Margaret. Snow.

She might be only blaming her, not her father. Her father wanted her. He wanted to keep her. Snow wanted to save her kingdom more than wanting to nurture her daughter. Emma didn’t need to endure all what she endured if her mother just wanted her. All these abandonment issues started with a dumb tree that sent her away. 

She walked. Emma walked to the loft and started crying in the process. Her parents never knew the true horror of what Emma went through. And if she told them, they would understand her hurt towards Snow. She dreaded to tell the tales of the marvelous boy who took her innocence away. David won’t like this, but on the other hand, nor will she. The tales of the system that these fairytale ‘characters’ are so oblivious to. 

The daylight crumpled away as Emma’s tears were. Her toes began tingling like a rug burn, the loft across town from Archie’s practice. She was exhausted but the fact she’d voice her hurt finally, kept her from halting. She wanted to be brave like Henry, like her son. 

Emma had a son and she was far from the hero Henry claimed she was. 

One step at a time. Archie said in her head. Before she knew it, her knuckles were hovering above the loft door. She was holding in so tight, her knuckles looked as though they too were nervous. She gave in and knocked twice. Emma picked at her sleeves that showed signs of needing a slight repair. Her anxiety had been at a all time high, she hadn’t been able to discuss with Archie about that yet. Or prehaps, she was stalling. She could book a session later on for that.

David opened the door, knocking the thoughts out of Emma’s mind for a minute. “Hi dad” she said with a not so smile but not quite a frown. He embraced her instead and Emma welcomed it. He would look at her different after this anyways. Snow managed to sneak behind David and, “What’s going on here?”. Daughter and father separated. She painfully winced knowing again why she was here. She gave her mother a weak side hug, entering the loft fully. David excused himself upstairs as he saw his wife shoeing him away with daggers of eyes.

“We haven’t seen you around lately, is this about that?” Snow asked Emma. She was always so demanding. So nice but oh so demanding. This was simple wasn’t it? She nodded. Snow took it that she wasn’t to speak yet. She rubbed Emma’s knee lightly and gestured to the kitchen. Snow was going to make tea. Yes tea, that will calm her a bit more. She smiled and waited. 

Snow came a few minutes later, with a tray holding a large kettle with 3 other teacups. David re-emerged from the upstairs and sat near Emma. “What’s got you all nervous huh?” He coaxed softly. She hated that she immediately fell to putty. He was all she wanted as a child, Snow not so much but she was trying. “Archie thinks I should talk to you guys” she finally voiced. 

Snow nearly burned herself with tea as learning her only daughter and child was attending therapy. Snow White’s daughter has a therapist. “It’s okay Snow, look I know it’s a bit of a shock but it’s kinda helping sorta” she tried playfully shrugging. Snow was stiff and her father’s eyes stilled for a moment. Trying to grasp on this simple concept. Oh god.

“If you think you need help, that’s your decision. If telling whatever you’re going to tell us is going to help, nothing is stopping you” David explained. His struggle fading away, he grabbed Snow’s trembling hands and waited.

Emma smiled truthfully and nodded, getting her rears running again. 

-

The walk home was cold. Her father offered a ride home but she opted out. She needed space after letting so much of her past out. Her anger out too. So much of it. Emma knew Snow wasn’t going to take it well. Of course Snow cried more than both of David and Emma combined. Her father gave her a reassuring smile and thanked her for opening up to them. Snow just cried and held onto Emma for the longest. She knew that soon, Snow would just give another lousy excuse as to why Emma was to be abandoned. 

Her feet were sore from the previous walk to the Charming’s. She grew more aware of her surroundings as she walked, it always felt like the wind was talking to her. That the puddles weren’t just puddles. Then she passed the mayor’s mansion. It was Regina’s mansion. She quickly found interest to the ground as she felt that Regina’s eyes were somehow on her. They hadn’t had the most pleasant conversation the last time they’d spoken with each other. Now to think about it, the past couple months have been troublesome regarding their friendship.

Always about her time management. 

This is a day late. You were supposed to be here 20 minutes ago. Your day with Henry is today, did you forget?

Emma didn’t like to be questioned, didn’t like to be called out for things she knew she was in the wrong for. But then the porch light was on and there was mayor Mills in all her glory. “What are you doing out here?” She asked. Emma looked up, “just walking home” she answered plainly, not having much energy to argue anymore. She took another step before, “can we speak,” when Emma wasn’t moving she said more loudly, “in private”. 

Emma hesitated. She was really tired but it was starting to freeze and Regina’s warm home seemed so inviting… So she absently walked up to Regina and entered when gestured inside. She was told to remove her coat and her muddy boats that were sure to make a mess if not taken off soon. She followed Regina to the den and was then told to sit. 

Emma was not one to obey easily, but something told her that right now isn’t the time. She sensed something in Regina. “I want to apologize for last week. I didn’t mean to lash out on you” Regina said. This was it? Emma hadn’t come in just to be offered a lame apology. She shrugged and stood, “look, I don’t really care. I had a long day and I really need to get back home” Emma said tiredly. She headed for the front door before Regina called out for her again. 

“Can you just… listen? I was talking to Archie and-“ Emma whipped around, eyes practically budging out of her eye sockets. Her face painted a dark shade of red blush. Mix of embarrassment and anger all together. “What did he tell you? Is this some kind of revenge for what happened like- five years ago? I’m tired, I’m so fucking tired and I’m done dealing with your bullshit Regina” she went off. 

Emma went further and grabbed her boots, hastily putting each on. She went for her jacket before Regina spoke again. “He said nothing about your sessions Emma. Archie simply told me that I could always be there for you,” Emma ceased her actions, eyes still burning of anger. She leaned closer to Regina, waiting and judging. “but I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me” she finished. 

Both women formed a close bond over the years with each other, but neither of them knew the extent of their traumas. The fading line between their relationship hadn’t helped with communicating either.

For the first time since being there, Emma let her shoulders rest. Her cheeks still rosy, which oddly, Regina found quite adorable. Emma shrugged as she walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, “where should I start then?” she said. Regina circled the blonde, leaning across the counter also, “from the beginning is best dear” Regina spoke smoothly now that she had her way.

This was rare of herself. She never openly spoke about the many horrific tells of her past. Sure, she could talk about unkept houses the system kept her in with Regina, sometimes Red listened in the early days of the curse, but never went more depth on why she always seemed to gain a new scar from those houses. When Mary Margaret at the time, asked why she had a pink like gash scar on her bottom left of her backside, Emma shut down. She never explained things that didn’t need to be talked about.

However, the ongoing nightmares and along other things were taking a big chunk of energy away from her. It was just now beginning to tear into her personal life. Her relationships were growing weak as she begun to slowly give away from a social life. Afraid of what could trigger her and cause her distress in the public eye. She’d done research to contain all these feelings again as she did for many years, but all she saw was  therapy therapy therapy.

Now Emma had no choice but to begin unraveling her life before Storybrooke. Talking was good Archie told her the first week she started. Talking was good she thought as Regina looked into her eyes, preparing for anything that could possibly happen if she also spoke to Regina about this.

The day had been long already. From her session with Archie to the long talk with her parents. Sessions always exhausted Emma but her parents took a toll on her today. She had already been on a record today with over sharing didn’t she? Regina was too good at convincing. 

“I wasn’t the best behaved kid, many weren’t actually. This kind of ruined the whole ‘the pretty ones always get picked first’ stereotype. I spent months at a time with different foster parents or in different group homes,” Emma fidgeted before continuing, “you would expect them to separate the girls from boys right?” She painfully chuckled. Emma’s eyes grew dark as she described the ways the kids treated her, the boys treated her. Further worse, the adults who we’re supposed to protect her. 

Regina’s muscles felt constricted. Her lips dry from her slight gaping mouth. Emma looked, and most likely felt, worse than herself. The blonde described how she was violated at a very young age. The abuse she endured by her foster parents, physical and emotional. It was easy to tell that Emma was skimming over some areas, which was fine, Regina wasn’t her therapist. Emma was entitled to keep as much of her personal life inclosed as she wanted. But Regina wanted to know everything. She now wanted the best for Emma swan. The very best. Their son was at his first year at college and both of the women had no one. Only each other now.


	2. Chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite boring… sorry? But enjoy caring Regina!

The blonde woke up to cold sweats, her bed drenched with her own urine. She’d known talking about her past would effect her in some kind of way. She was paying the price by having to place her bed sheets into the washer, dead in the night. Regina was very persistent at letting her stay the night in the mansion. She couldn’t though. Many reasons, but the fact that her bladder was playing tricks on her as of late was a key to her leaving.

_ How can you explain to one of your only friends that you’ve been pissing yourself?  _ _Emma thought._ Frustration seeping in.

She headed for the bathroom, locking it instantly from habit. Undressing herself, she turned the shower on and waited for the water to steam hot. Hotter is helpful. Emma stepped in, settling into the temperature change. She went for the bar of soap and began rubbing. Rubbing hard all around her body. Red angry marks all over her breast, her privates, her neck. She wanted his touch to disappear. And she knew. She knew that scrubbing this hard wouldn’t erase any of it but Emma always tried.

Exhausting herself, she opted not to wash her hair. The hair which hadn’t been washed in over a week. But sometimes she couldn’t bear to close her eyes. The savior knew that she could easily defend herself with her magic, but her magic was fading as was her mood. Caring less and less was the reason that telling Regina about this problem, which the queen could most likely easily fix, wasn’t her main priority.

Emma walked back into her bedroom that was connected to her bathroom. Opening the top drawers she took a thin blanket out along with a new pillow case. Situating herself, Emma laid in bed. Eyes wide open. Sleep wasn’t in the cards for her tonight, or ever.

It was now morning. Today was her day off, she planned to stay home. Maybe a walk to the docs if she was feeling risky. Her next appointment with Archie wasn’t until Friday. It was relieving and scary all at once. Therapy was a tricky thing to get use to, especially when you feel like it isn’t working. It wasn’t Archie’s fault nor Emma’s. Therapy is a slow process, it’s different for everyone. And yes, sometimes it’s the therapists, but Archie was good. She didn’t feel pressured into anything, she even was sometimes assigned homework if speaking was too hard for her. Essays to do were usually given to her but a fun coloring page was also given.

Which seemed childish, and she still felt childish, but drawing felt like a relief to her. Archie explained that “kid things” can always be for adults. It heals your inner child in the process he said. So she found herself ready to turn in this particular homework when assigned it. Which was usually after being assigned a essay with a hard topic attached to it. Therapy had only just started last month and she didn’t like it, but she liked coloring… and the fun putty Archie put out just for Emma, so maybe therapy wasn’t completely bad.

Then a knock sounded. Tensing only for a moment, she went to the door. Looking into the peaking hole on her door Emma furrowed her brow.

Regina stood there waiting patiently for the blonde to open the door. In one hand was a brown bag from granny’s, in the other was a green drink in a clear cup. She wasn’t too keen with the blonde having mac and cheese for breakfast but Emma would never allow a salad near her, much to her dismay. Emma was still having something green in her though. Regina mixed a few fruits with various leafy greens and blended them. Then pouring it into a travel cup.

“Hey… it’s pretty early? Did something happen?”

“I’m aware and no, but I brought you breakfast” Emma grimaced as she noticed the very unpleasant looking drink in the other woman’s hand. The woman pushed passed and through the door. Heading her direction to the kitchen. She took the medium sized mac and cheese cup from the bag with a fork attached to it, Emma made her way to the kitchen, stomach suddenly hurting as she saw the meal that was bought for her.

Emma was hardly eating enough to be considered healthy for an adult. And what she did consume was a small snack and a cup of coffee to keep her up.

“Regina I don’t want your help or anything like that after last night. I can take care of myself” the blonde said defensively. She loved eating but everything going on right now made her step away from the things like this. The mayor scoffed. “Your hair is thinner than ever,” she approached Emma more and tipped the woman’s chin slightly, “and your cheekbones are poking out”. Emma tried moving away from the queen’s grasp when Regina said, “you will eat Emma” kindly removing her fingers finally and walking back to the food.

Emma slipped in a pill into her mouth before jugging a glass of water. The other woman who had her back to her, still explaining why eating 3 meals a day was important, had no clue what Emma was digesting. She sat on one of her stools while Regina finished speaking and grabbed the fork and took a small bite from her food. “At least five big bites and a few sips from this drink okay?” Regina said more than asking.

She simply nodded and watched the queen walk out her door. Emma only took two bites and one simple sip of the green drink. Her stomach growling and also hurting. Anxiety was the culprit of her sudden pains in her stomach. Not enough to take medication for it much to her relief. Headaches have been bothering her lately too but a plain pill from a corner store could always solve that for a few hours.

Regina’s behavior was odd but not surprising. She knew that all of this would end soon and she’ll be by herself again. She was okay with that.

-

While Regina left Emma to eat her breakfast, she drove home again. She removed her heels that she wore for the morning at the front and walked to her bedroom. Regina sat on her bed with her laptop on her lap typing out  _ ‘good stress relievers’ _ she scrolled through many articles, not any of them catching her eye that seemed actually helpful. Before completing clicking off the tab she scrolled to the very last article titled  _ ‘age regression for adults’ .  _

She frowned as she never heard those words put together. Curiosity made her click the link and she was taken to a website. It was colorful and very inviting. She began reading the header of this seemingly innocent page. “Age  regression occurs when you mentally retreat to an earlier age. In all ways, you believe you're back at that point in your life, and you may exhibit childish behaviors, too. Some people choose to revert to a younger age. In this case, it can be a coping mechanism to help them relax and eliminate stress”.

She tilted her head in a mix of understanding and confusion. Regina scrolled down further and there showed  _‘tips’_ and how to care for  _ ‘a little’,  _ right below it defined the meaning of a little. Then next to the meaning was another word _ ‘caregiver’ _ _._ She knew that word though. Beginning to understand more of this interesting topic she explored more of the page. Other links took her to a  _ ‘little shop’ _ where child toys and supplies were fit to accommodate an adult. 

Little by little she began to understand fully of this community. There was adults in child like clothing with the toys that they were reviewing. They had big smiles on every one of their faces, she mourned the thought of seeing Emma finally smiling. This kind of help would provide Emma with so much but she knew that Emma could never agree. Hell, even this overwhelmed Regina. 

But she found herself adding another tab to google docs and listing what according to the website ‘every little needed’. A few moments before this she learned that all littles had a  _ ‘age range’ _ _._ Some went to 0-1 which were considered babies obviously. Some went to 2-5 that were considered toddlers. 

Regina seriously needed to speak with Emma now. She was imagining bathing Emma and dressing her for bedtime, or braiding her hair before the day. The adorable clothing that came with a little she saw on the site. She missed being needed, she missed having someone to depend on her. Was it just that? Was she being selfish? Regina wanted the best for Emma, the best interest. 

_ Was this the best? _ Regina thought.

Letting Emma give up her adult duties and just be a child for awhile help her? Maybe give her an opportunity to do things she was not allowed as a child. Like sucking her thumb Emma mentioned last night, though Regina found that unsanitary and pacifiers would be much more convenient.

_ Oh god am I in caregiver headspace already? _ Regina frustratedly gasped.

Deciding to close her laptop, the Brunette woman walked back downstairs and grabbed her things for the day at the office. She knew what she wanted to say to Emma but she needed to prepare how she would approach Emma on this topic.

-

The blonde fixed her freshly washed bedsheets onto her bed. The medication had worn off and her headaches were back with full force. She was deciding whether or not to cancel her plans to walk at the docs. She knew that staying cooped up in her house wouldn’t help her. She wanted one simple nap to calm her headaches down too but the nightmares always held her back.

Emma forced herself not to dwell on those things at the moment and helped herself onto the couch and made way to grab the remote and pressing the button ‘on’. The savior watched re runs of the office and finally at last felt her headache fade off, flopping more comfortably on the couch she dozed off into dream land. 

She woke an hour later to tangled hair and a few salty tears, she did not remember this nightmare this time. She didn’t like not remembering though. It made Emma feel out of place and confused. She felt herself start to tear up until she quickly shook her head and turned her head towards the still running television. 

A silly Nickelodeon cartoon show was now playing and Emma sat there engrossed, watching the animations talk about nonsense. It was sorta funny to Emma, a cartoon like this always put Emma to ease. And maybe it was the cause of not having the privilege to watch any kind of television or the family she was with wasn’t fortunate enough to afford one that made her so content on enjoying a child’s show.

But remembering the paperwork she had due for work pulled her back into reality. 

The empty stomach made standing up a bit difficult for Emma but she pushed through and walked upstairs to her bedroom. She spread the paperwork onto her bed and grabbed a pen from her nightstand beside her. Checking her phone for any missed calls or texts messages, she noticed a small text from her father  _ ‘you’re working tomorrow or do you want me to cover for you?’ _ sending a quick,  _ ‘yes I am working tomorrow’ _ she went to the other unread message who was by Regina. 

She wondered what Regina wanted. After this morning she felt a sudden loneliness, the care Regina put in her to bring her breakfast made her cheeks flush. She never felt that feeling and it scared her but almost made Emma smile of having such a caring friend. She felt bad for how she treated the other woman the other day now.

“Can we speak privately tomorrow? If possible at your or my house” 

The previous feelings vanished as Emma now was feeling a cold and nervous. Flush cheeks long gone.

What could Regina possibly need to talk about in private? Henry was safe and sound at college, away from all of the magic battle storybrooke had to offer. It couldn’t be about him. Did Emma upset her? That thought made Emma feel disappointed in herself. It didn’t make sense, but she had no choice but to reply because how else could she avoid the mayor of the town? 

“Sure at your house is fine” she sent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frustrated cg Regina is so adorable right? I didn’t expect to update this fast but here we are. This chapter is also pretty short, sorry again :(


End file.
